We’ve talked before about the only way to truly get complete and lasting victory, right?  And we’ve talked about how that direct route to victory doesn’t abide in a counselor or a sermon or a really good prophetic word or a New Year’s Resolution or good intentions or a ton of other “good” things, right?  Yes, I know we’ve come to the conclusion that the ONLY way to total and complete victory is God’s Word — the TRUTH — the Bible.  But…. what exactly does that mean?  Does it mean that we just crack open the Bible and start reading and, after a good long read of it, walk away totally victorious and free and happy and whole?  Well… not exactly.

Today, I want to share with you what worked for me personally — and what I know will work for you.

See that blue sheet of paper in the picture above?  That’s where freedom happened for me.  See, for me, the thing that plagued me for as long as I can remember — the thing that threatened to lock me in my room and keep me from fulfilling my calling was a really ugly four-letter word.  An F-word.  FEAR.

Fear was constantly robbing me.  What kind of fear?  Pretty much every kind you could think of.  Fear of man.  Fear of sickness.  Fear of trusting people.  Fear of being known.  Fear of death.  Fear of public speaking.  Fear of rejection.  Yeah, fear was rampant in my life.  I felt like it was constantly stalking me — day and night, night and day.  In the future, I’ll share more of my story in this area — but for now, let me just share how I got free.

About eight years ago, I really started going deeper with God and realizing that fear and shyness wasn’t a part of my personality; rather it was the result of satan creeping into my life and attacking my mind.  When I got that revelation, I was really ticked off.  I wanted that idiot out of my life.  I wanted to be FREE and confident and brave.  So I read book after book and listened to sermon after sermon.  I knew I could be free, I knew what God’s Word said, I knew satan had no right to be in my life… but still, I was in bondage.

There was one season about six years ago when fear really came to a boiling point.  One night, the war became so intense and I was so fed up that I knew I had to get my freedom that night. I was 16 years old and I couldn’t remember one single day of my life in which fear had not plagued me. I didn’t know how I was going to get free or what I was going to do, but there was no way I was going to bed until those chains were broken.  A few weeks prior, I had received some scriptures concerning fear from Joyce Meyer Ministries after requesting prayer on her website.  I took the scriptures and my Bible and drew myself a bath.  (I know the bath part is kind of random, but my body actually physically ached from the fear and I figured the hot water might help.)

Those blue pages were much crisper and cleaner that night in the bathtub.  I had never folded them up and stuffed them in my purse or my Bible or written notes on them or underlined and circled words.  All I could see was black ink staring back at me.  I had no clue what I was doing.  I just knew that I wanted to be free.  I also knew that the Bible said that we shall know the truth, and that the truth will set us free.  And I knew that God’s Word was truth.  But what did that process look like?  Did it mean that I just skimmed over them and then the chains would drop?  No, because I had tried that before.  It didn’t work.

I looked at the first verse on the page.  It was Isaiah 41:10.  I read over it, trying to draw in every word, hoping for freedom.  I went onto the next one.  Still, nothing.  But… there were a few pages to go.  I kept reading.  Finally I reached the end and breathed deeply.  Oh, it felt good to see what God thought of this fear.  But I didn’t feel any different.  I wanted to cry and toss them out of the tub and yell, “God, that didn’t work!  I give up!”  But I was too desperate to give up.  If I threw them out of the tub and gave up, I’d have to wake up one more morning feeling like that.  And I wasn’t going to do it.  Either I’d get free or I’d die.  And I certainly wasn’t going to give satan the honor of watching me bow out and hand everything over to him.  He had already stole my joy, peace, confidence and freedom for the past 16 years – I sure as heck wasn’t going to hand him my very life.  I dug my heels in and gritted my teeth.  If fear was there, visible before my eyes, I would have strangled it, beat it, kicked and clawed it until it breathed its last.  But since I couldn’t see it or touch it, I had to find another way to kill it.

God brought my eyes back to the very first verse.  Isaiah 41:10.  I read the first two words, “Fear not”, and God told me to stop.  He had me read it again.  He had me speak it out loud.  Then, He released me to go onto the next part.  Since Joyce Meyer uses the Amplified Bible, the verse had an interjection: “there is nothing to fear”.  I read over it about ten times, speaking it out loud.  God told me to think about what that meant in my own situation.  There is NOTHING to fear, I whispered. I said the word ”nothing” again and again.  That means that all these things that I’m afraid of — I don’t have any reason to fear them. I rolled over each of my fears in my mind and then told myself that there was no reason to fear them.  Then I went on to the next part: “For I am with you”.  I almost moved right on past that part.  I already knew God was with me.  But He had me read it anyway.  Out loud.  At least ten times.  And as I did, I realized that I didn’t know it as well as I thought.  I’d lived my whole life with the idea that God was up there, busy doing a lot of more important things, waiting for me to get my act together.  But no, God was with me.  I reminded myself of who God was.  I thought of Shadrach, Meshack and Abendago in the fiery furnace.  God was with them and because of that, they came out alive.  They didn’t even smell like smoke.  I thought of David and Goliath.  David, a little shepherd boy killed that gigantic, mammoth of a guy because God was with him.  Then I told myself that God was with me and because of that, I’d trample down this ridiculous giant called fear.  I kept going.  “Do not look around in terror and be dismayed”.  I repeated it again and again.  That means that when these fears stalk me, I do not need to look around at them and start shaking and want to turn and run. I thought about the word terror and the word dismayed.  I thought about what they meant.  I went onto the next part.  “…for I am your God.”  I repeated it again.  You aren’t just my friend or my teacher or my healer or my Father.  You’re my GOD.  You’re THE God.  You formed this entire universe.  You made me.  You flung the stars in the sky!  You aren’t scared of mere man.  You aren’t afraid of what stalks me.  You aren’t overwhelmed by satan.  You’re GOD! I continued with the rest of the verse until I had dissected each word, each part and knew what they meant to ME and MY battle with fear.

I read all two-and-a-half pages.  I read each of the 26 verses.  I dissected the words.  I paused hundreds of times to envision what the scripture would look like if I lived it out.  When my mind drifted and started to bow to fear, I pulled it back.  I forced it to focus on the truth.  I read some verses fifty times each.  I gritted my teeth.  I didn’t mutter them half-heartedly.  If I did, God made me re-read them until I meant them.

See, God’s Word does say that we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.  But there’s a difference between knowing the truth and reading the truth.  I’ve read scriptures my entire life.  Yet, I still lived in bondage.  Why?  Because I didn’t KNOW the truth.  That night in the bathtub, God taught me what KNOWING looks like.  Knowing the truth means chewing on it, meditating on it, dissecting the words until it changes who you are and how you think.

When I got out of the bathtub that night, I was a different person.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  I had never felt that good in my life.  After I got dressed, I just sat on my bed.  I was so happy that I started laughing.  Nothing was funny — I was just so HAPPY.  I was so FREE.  I wanted to cry because I realized how much I had been missing for all 16 years of my life — but I was too happy to cry.  I could hardly fall asleep that night.  I was too excited.  I felt sooo good and didn’t want to turn my mind off to fall asleep.  No, I wanted to keep thinking about this — about how amazing God was and how true His Word is and how radical it changed me in just a few hours.

Is that the end of the story?  Hardly.  If you want to know more, join me tomorrow for part two.

With Much Love,

Michelle

Tags: Bible, defeat satan, fear, freedom, God, God's Word, how to get free, the truth, Victory, victory over fear

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